Upside Down Balloons

Posted on July 26, 2008 by kristiane

I have a son, named Max. If you didn’t already know that, than you must be new here. HEY WELCOME!

Max is six, and oblivious to the rules of the world. I love that. He insists I give him kisses goodbye at school. He walks with an umbrella whenever I let him. He would prefer to be wearing nothing but Transformers underwear at all times.

Last school year, for the class photo, he made himself unique as he always does. When I picked up the photos from the cubby in his classroom, I opened them up and looked for his face. It was, of course, simple to locate. When I asked the boy why he chose to make that face instead of a pleasant smile, he looked at me as though it should have been obvious, “I wanted to show the camera my upside down balloon!”

Duh, Mom. I told him it was called a uvula, but that was pointless. Can you pick him out?

Reminder, again: I updated Funny Minnesota!

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Creepy Old men…They’re EVERYWHERE!

Posted on July 25, 2008 by kristiane

At work today, my last table of the day was a group of four men. Four very nice looking slighty-older-than-middle-aged business men. I greeted them with a smile and asked how they were doing. Three mumbled fine, and the fourth looked straight into my soul and said, “The girl I wanna do just said she thought I was cute, so I am doing great today!” He then ordered an iced tea.

I brought them their drinks , giving Old Gross Dude a diet coke on accident. After the three quiet men ordered, the fourth said, “I dunno, what should I have?” I told him he would have a grilled cheese with fries and then walked away, before he could protest. Though I did hear him say he liked a woman who could tell him what to do.

I am gonna get fired one of these days.

HEY! I ACTUALLY UPDATED FUNNY MINNESOTA. CLICK HERE!

Unnecessary EDIT: I am going to try to write every day until school starts. (Aug. 24th) The only reason I write this is because now that it is out there, I might actually follow through. The end!

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Taking the Easy Route

Posted on July 23, 2008 by kristiane

I am not broke, by any means. I mean, I am far from well off, but I pay the bills. However, since the word “recession” is being thrown around and gas is literally breaking people, no one wants to eat out. So, my wages essentially have gone down. So, instead of finding a new job, which would be smart, I am devising a way to stay in college at least one extra semester so that I can take advantage of the lovely federal student loans that the government allots me. Here is the list of classes I am taking next semester:

Intro to the Internet: I totally need this.

Intro to Computers: See above

Spanish 101: I need basic Spanish for my job, also, I took this in high school many years.

Intro to Creative Writing: I have taken five classes which require this as a pre-req. But I am not taking Poetry again, even if I could get credit for it. Even if it meant I would get an automatic diploma. No. No more poetry.

So, come December, with very little luck, I should be posting a report card with lots of A’s. And if i don’t I will feel very very stupid.

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Personal Nostalgia

Posted on July 22, 2008 by kristiane

Many of the people who read this come here from XE. So, like myself, nostalgia is a way of life for you. We all miss Disney Afternoons, Crispy Critters, and we remember when Pee Wee Herman was a fine and upstanding children’s television star. Beyond childhood things of that era, there are other things that I miss. Here are a few:

Baseball players with mustaches.

There’s some out there, not enough. In Minnesota, we had our hero in Kirby Puckett for over a decade. Ten years went by without a real star on the team that stood above everyone else, but now we have Mauer. He’s a batting champion, an All Star, and could very well be a hall of famer someday. And I think he needs a ‘stache.

Snow

I love it I love it I love it

I am almost glad that we only get it six month of the year, it makes it even more special when I have to miss it.

Phones with cords

I recall my mother getting one of those fancy new phones with the twenty-four foot cord when I was young. She could then walk all over the kitchen and still talk about whatever it was that she talked about with one of her friends named Mary. All her friends were named Mary.

Sunday Clothes

I grew up in a house where you were in church every Sunday. And at our church you dressed in your Sunday best. Now, when I get to church, people wear whatever. There is nothing that says “fancy” about what people grab from their closets any longer.

Asbestos

Oh, MS Paint, you are my only true friend.

In my elementary school, the ceiling of the gym was coated in the stuff. When someone kicked a ball and it hit the ceiling a bit of asbestos would fall and my sister would grab it and throw it around, calling it, “disease”. Little did we know she was right. Kicking the ball so high that you would knock part of the ceiling off was such a bragging event, however, and I miss that.

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Yesterday

Posted on July 20, 2008 by kristiane

Went to the Drive In, saw Dark Knight…again. I saw it at IMAX on Friday as well. Yes, it’s a good movie, but I would rather talk about the sign as you enter. The sign with specific instructions, to BE NICE.

And so far as i could tell, everyone was…

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They Grow Up So Fast!

Posted on July 17, 2008 by kristiane

One year ago today, I started this here blog. Somehow, I’ve managed to write one hundred eighty-eight posts.

That means that just about every other day I sit here and write. And today, I gave The Pilver a birthday party. I wasn’t sure how to celebrate, so I recreated the birthday I did for The Max when he turned one. I gave it a cake. Little babies like to cram birthday cake into their faces with their hands, so I figured The Pilver would too.

I was wrong, however. It just sat there, watching the flame burn candle wax onto the cake. Now, there’s no need to waste delicious Target cake, so I bribed Max with some broccoli and then he was allowed a peice.

I am also struggling to think of some epic and retrospective way to show what I liked best about the past year of blogging. I can’t think of anything that would not be blatantly ripping off other blogs that I read. Instead, I’m gonna tell you what I am looking fowrard to in the next year, which may or may not be written about:

The Olympics

I love the Olympics, I have no idea why. I don’t actually watch competitive javelin throwing at any other time. I like summer over winter games, not sure why that is either.

Becoming a Senior

I may not get to graduating this year, but I will be a senior. This will allow me the privilege to shove the underclassmen into lockers, if only we had lockers.

My hair is going to grow

I stupidly and momentarily thought I wanted bangs. I was wrong. The are disturbingly similar to the bangs I had in Jr. High. (This is not me. This is just an example of how I could look, if I had the right curling iron)

My car turns fifteen this year

He will get his driving permit.

So here’s to one year of The Pilver…one year of actually sticking to a hobby 🙂

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46 Hours

Posted on July 17, 2008 by kristiane

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Grow Your Own Space Needle!

Posted on July 15, 2008 by kristiane

On my recent trip to Seattle, I wandered around Ye Olde Curiousity Shoppe for a good deal of time. YOCS is a great place for old fortune teller machines, real mummies are on display, among other unusual goods. Most of the store is now dedicated to selling tourists every imaginable item with the word, “Seattle” printed on it. When I saw the $2.95 green Space Needle that grows, I figured I could make room in my wallet for one souvenir. After purchasing my find, it went into my purse, untouched and overlooked, until today.

Today, I was cleaning out my refrigerator and found a 2 liter bottle of Coke, well past its optimum fizziness. This is a great place to grow a Space Needle, at least I hope it is. I had a place to grow it, I just had to plop it in bottle with water. I humored the manufacturer and turned the Space Needle package over to read the directions. Instructions for growing something in water seem pointless, but I needed some good breakfast reading and had already memorized the back of the Rice Krispies Box.

I was delighted to find some terrific Engrish on the back. I once had a room mate who, for a living, would translate Nintendo manuals from Engrish to English and explained to me why it occurred. Essentially, Chinese (in the case of this particular product) is so far different from English, not only in grammar, but the way that they use a completely different set of symbols. It just doesn’t translate straight into a different language seamlessly. I can only imagine that they receive products from the US and laugh identically and our mistakes.

Moving on, here is the label. Enjoy.

If you cannot read the scan:

-Put your growing space needle in a jar or container with full of clean water in room temperature. Then see its growing.

-Please note the temperature of the water is under 35 C

-Do not expect instant result as it takes up to 72 hours for fully expansion

-Take it out of the water and see its shrinking back to original size

-An educative and fun toy

And in 72 hours, we shall see how big it gets!

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Fun With Old Advertisements!

Posted on July 12, 2008 by kristiane

My mid-century advertising obsession peaked again this week as I leafed through some of the old books I own. From a series called The Golden Age of Advertising is where I found the following advertisements. I understand that having this as a Saturday activity qualifies me for such terms as “boring” and “loser”. I will have you know that last night was spent inside a fort built with blankets and kitchen chairs in my living room…and my son was not home. So think about that next time you try to label me. Wait…never mind. Let’s instead whip out the photos:

Rheingold’s Beer is the last thing I was thinking of when I saw this picture. What’s up with that car?

I have never heard of this movie. Nameless Shameless Woman is going to be my next screen name, however.

Ladies, let’s all take a moment to be thankful that THAT is not typical underwear these days.

In different words: Women don’t own cars, they steal them from their husbands.

I could not fit this into my backpack.

I remember hearing about these way back when, before mass internet use. Now it is such a possibility for you and I to talk to each other with pictures at any time for very little money. Still, does anyone make use of this? My best friend and I did, like once, when we lived far away from each other. It seemed pointless and we never used webcams again. Mine is sitting here on my desk, dusty and bored.

If I ever become very urban, I will begin to request people call me “Tenderoni”.

I would LOVE one of these. Unless of course they are required to be used with curlers.

Everyone who sees this is thinking the same thing…Tear?!

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So, to end of a completely backwards note…here’s an ad for rice.

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Yes, this ad does exist. As recently as the 1960’s American Advertising could have been described as just plain wrong.

Posted in Blogroll, family, food, funner, happiness, health, home, how to, Life, travel | Tagged | 12 Comments

AS SEEN ON TV

Posted on July 10, 2008 by kristiane

The Max (aka my son) has a new passion. It’s called, “I want everything sold in infomercials.” I completely understand this. Recently whenever anyting is broken in our home, he insists that it can be repaired with Mighty Putty.

He has been begging me for months to buy Pancake Puffs, which I may break down and do very soon.

And the guy laughing in the background makes me smile.

The funny thing about his obsession is that he will come into a situation in life that could involve one of the products, then he recites verbatim the sales pitch that he saw on the television. While we were at his grandmother’s house she was putting away groceries and he pounced on her as she was filling the crisper in the refridgerator with vegatables, “Grandma, the enemy is not t he air, it’s the gas…you need green Bags!”

So, today, as we were browsing the shelves at CVS, I saw something that I saw on TV and I had to have them.

Kinoki Pads
This is the much disputed product that is supposed to detox your body through your feet when you sleep. Apparently the pads soak up toxins into little pads and the pads turn brown. Some hard-hitting night time investigative television show did a report on these and claimed the pads turn brown when they get wet, so after 8 hours on your feet they will get wet from the sweat alone that is oozing out the bottom of your feet.

The commercial shows a lady so refreshed after sleeping with the pads on that I had to try it. This summer heat creates a lack of sleep for me that is unbearable and I would put nails in my eyes to be better rested if that is what it took. So, I bit. I plopped out 19.99 from today’s tip money on to the counter where the clerk most definitely was thinking, “This lady probably has QVC on her favorites list” I am sitting here, getting ready for bed and preparing to apply my Kinoki Cleansing Detox Foot Pads. I am stoked. there’s only a few warnings on the box, the best one being, “Do not place…directly on eyes.” Well, I have pretty bad aim. I could never make the wastepaper basket while playing trash basketball in study hall, but I think if I aim for my feet, I should at least hit my knee.

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