The Max (aka my son) has a new passion. It’s called, “I want everything sold in infomercials.” I completely understand this. Recently whenever anyting is broken in our home, he insists that it can be repaired with Mighty Putty.
He has been begging me for months to buy Pancake Puffs, which I may break down and do very soon.
And the guy laughing in the background makes me smile.
The funny thing about his obsession is that he will come into a situation in life that could involve one of the products, then he recites verbatim the sales pitch that he saw on the television. While we were at his grandmother’s house she was putting away groceries and he pounced on her as she was filling the crisper in the refridgerator with vegatables, “Grandma, the enemy is not t he air, it’s the gas…you need green Bags!”
So, today, as we were browsing the shelves at CVS, I saw something that I saw on TV and I had to have them.
Kinoki Pads
This is the much disputed product that is supposed to detox your body through your feet when you sleep. Apparently the pads soak up toxins into little pads and the pads turn brown. Some hard-hitting night time investigative television show did a report on these and claimed the pads turn brown when they get wet, so after 8 hours on your feet they will get wet from the sweat alone that is oozing out the bottom of your feet.
The commercial shows a lady so refreshed after sleeping with the pads on that I had to try it. This summer heat creates a lack of sleep for me that is unbearable and I would put nails in my eyes to be better rested if that is what it took. So, I bit. I plopped out 19.99 from today’s tip money on to the counter where the clerk most definitely was thinking, “This lady probably has QVC on her favorites list” I am sitting here, getting ready for bed and preparing to apply my Kinoki Cleansing Detox Foot Pads. I am stoked. there’s only a few warnings on the box, the best one being, “Do not place…directly on eyes.” Well, I have pretty bad aim. I could never make the wastepaper basket while playing trash basketball in study hall, but I think if I aim for my feet, I should at least hit my knee.
The Pilver 
My son has been doing the same thing – telling my wife and I that we need Green Bags, the roll-out seeded flower mat, the plant-watering bulb things, all of that. DAMN Nickelodeon for putting those ads on during Spongebob!
I have wanted to try those feet pads for some tie now. Please let me know how you feel! I am all about detox. 🙂
This was hilarious by the way.
I have really wanted to try them too but I aint seen ’em ’round.
Who the hell wakes up like the girl in that video anyway??
Superb post.
Unfortunately, it’s my mom that’s hooked on these things. No surprise that hardly any of these things actually work.
And as an employee of CVS, I can tell you we all gather around and mock the newest “As Seen on TV” shlock and debate about whether or not it works. One time, we did discuss Mighty Putty, and concluded on “maybe.” We’re currently upselling “Ped-Eggs,” these little ovals with grooves to give your feet a mini-pedicure. Sadly, they’ve been selling.
My favorite part of infomercials are those black & white screens detailing how clumsy simple activities would be without their product. You’d swear they gave those people bottles of vicodin just before filming and went and told them to fold bedsheets. My favorites are for anything dealing with food. Any item that makes slicing and chopping easier always has this woman clumsily tearing apart tomatoes with a dull knife.
“Think of all the seconds you’d waste with slicing flat tomatoes! Now use the Vidalia Chopper to make perfect cubes for salsa! Now no one can mock you for dull, flat cube salsa.”
I always just tell myself that if it’s so damn awesome, why hasn’t the world started bowing at their feet….?
And that usually deters me, and I save some money…
That I promptly use to buy a cherry chocolate blizzard and go try my hand at the Claw games in the arcade.
taoist- my son longs for those as well.
I am nearly positive that they will not work. If for no other reason then they are too big for my midget feet.
Billy- share me some of your detoxing secrets.
every time i go to kmart to get kitty litter, i think about buying the pancake puff maker. the other one that i really want is the GT Xpress 101. that’s the thing that used to be called a sandwich maker. that red-haired older lady makes everything she puts in there look so good. if i was that talented, i totally wouldnt care if every food i ate was shaped like a semi-circle.
When I was Max’s age, I spent my summers staying up all night watching Infomercials.
Ah to be young.
Max i s your only child ( which i think should change ) that being said I feel he should get whatever he wants that way he will be spoiled for any other female out there which means he will be by your side till the end of time . We had this disscussion once . As far as those pads go I think most people really don’t wash the bottoms of their feet hence the pads soak up all the dirt that is ground in after regular use the pads will eventually come clean due to the fact they have gotten all the dirt of and you’ll start paying more attention to your feet hence they will get scrubbed . Much like getting a manicure if start paying attention to your hands after a couple of weeks thy will look awesome .
tony-good theory, well both of them. 😉
I knew a guy in the Army once who drank a cap full of bleach to avoid getting popped for smoking pot. It cleared him out. I wouldn’t recommend that, though.
Hmmm, well, I don’t have much use for that 😉 max once swallowed a bit of bleach (not at my home, I was obsessive about child proofing) but the lady on the phone at poison controll just told me to keep an eye on him for the rest of the day and feed him a lot of milk. He yacked a bit, but was totally fine.
My cousin swallowed a cup of bleach cause he came running in from playing outside and thought it was water. Just downed it like it was nothing. My aunt freaked out and called poison control and they pretty much told her the same thing you said, but my aunt was still freaked and drove him to the hospital. He was fine. Just kind of stupid.
I shouldn’t say that. He actually is mildly retarded. No kidding.
And that’s why I’m going to hell. Stuff like that.
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they are good