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The Noble Experiment
I was somewhere between the ages of eleven and thirteen when my parents made me an offer: Don’t watch TV for a year and we will give you five hundred hollers. Whoa. Of course, I took them up on this. And recently, I gave the same offer to my son.
He bit. Until we got home, when he wanted to watch Hanna Montana or some other noisy show. So, today I tried again. I told him what he could buy with the money. He is still clueless to the fact that it is worth much less today than it was then…it really doesn’t matter. More than a one dollar bill to a little kid is crazy cash in their eyes.
So, we wrote up an official contract with magic marker and it is done. Until March 12, 2010, The Max cannot watch television and he will be paid handsomely.
My goal in this is first and foremost, to have less background noise while I am doing homework or washing dishes. Selfish? Absolutely. And then, of course, I would like for him to not sit and be poisoned by TV for the next year. He’ll read books and whatnot. It’ll be great.
I informed him, as I would to any addict (yes, my son was addicted to TV) that the first five days are the hardest, and after that he would find it easy. Somehow that sealed the deal for him. And now, if I can live without baseball, I can actually cancel cable and save sixty bucks a month. Here’s to hoping!
Posted in Blogroll, family, happiness, home, how to, kids
Tagged Hanna Montana. addictions, kids, money, television
10 Comments
Ella’s Deli
For the past three years, my sister has been living in Madison, Wisconsin. It’s a pleasant four hour drive from where I live in St. Paul and I have visited her more than a dozen times. On the way to her house, while driving though Madison, I pass a slightly creepy looking building which appears circus-like called ‘Ella’s Deli.’
This weekend I visited her and we decided to check the place out…thoroughly. I had been there once before, for a bowl of ice cream. I was intrigued at the decor and wanted to return and fully exploit the place through the magic of my camera.
Ella’s is decorated in mechanical…everything. There are flying characters as old as Betty Boop and as recent as Harry Potter, though most decor is pretty old. The food is not really unique, but somewhat dated if you take into account that rarely do people eat beef tongue sandwiches in the twenty-first century. The one insane I-Must-Try-This!!! item was the deep fried dill pickles.
They were actually amazing. State Fair type food during our seemingly endless winter in the Midwest was great. That’s all I am going to say about the food, it just is not a foodies place. It is a visual place.
When you walk into the restaurant, you are overwhelmed with the amount of crap buzzing by your head. It’s loud. It made me wonder how anyone could hold down a job at this establishment without developing a severe twitch from the commotion. After a few mintues, I set out with my camera and clicked a few pictures of some of the table tops, which are all shadow boxes with different themes. We sat at the ocean table, kind boring.
Also, there was a gum table
A soda table.
A pez table
A marienette table that will continue to create nighmares for me until I make a trip back and smash their creepy faces.
I then took pictures of the “stuff”…the moving sets of people, feet, and animals singing and dancing. Yeah, I said feet.
Here’s a video of the band, who played no music just moved around really bizarrely. Notice the guy in the back needs to ‘go’ real bad. (and turn down your sound, the background buzz is kinda annoying)
And finally. The Juggling clowns! This was a little machine you stuck your eyes up to, then pushed a button that would create the illusion that bald clowns were juggling bowling pins. The thing was a million years old and just ends up looking frightening.
I imagine if you were the type to drop acid, you would wish to be here or stay far away during your trip. Don’t know for sure I’ve never tried the stuff.
***Informal Poll***
If you have done LSD, would this place be too much or just right? Discuss.
OH…I forgot. I have a blog.
My two favorite blogs are now 1. completely dead and 2. rarely updated. Bleh. Seems I am posting less these days as well. It used to be I would get home from work, do homework, socialize if the day called for it and then sit down and write. Now, the only thing on my plate is work. Being as I took the semester off, I seem to also be writing less for kicks. (Yes, blogging IS a kick, duh.)
The good thing is, I am DOING more. My current obsession is spending an hour and the Y a few time a week and flexing these huge guns in front of the mirrors they seem to feel the need to place EVERYWHERE. Honestly, my favorite part about working out is setting my iPod on random and hoping an excellent play list is formed by the gods of running.
Also, finding a house. Not necessarily for buying, If it has a yard and a washing machine, I will rent whatever. Funny story…I went to my banks website, clicked on the link for pre-approved home loans and filled in the blanks. I received a splendid message about how they would be in touch with me…
…two days later.
I get a call on the phone…from an old friend…who works for this major national bank and was randomly assigned to ME. When I say old friend, I mean someone who I knew (cheered for the boy when he played basketball) and no longer know, though is still in the same social circle of people I do know and there is no way I am going to call back and say, “Hey! Yes…I was looking to buy a house. Can you finance me for the cheapest foreclosure you can find!?” Why I have pride about this matter, I do not know. Also, he may not have recognized my name when he picked up my file off the top of the pile, it has been awhile…except my name is fairly unique. I could drag out the old yearbook and post a picture of him, tell him he’ famous and maybe he’d cut me a deal. Y’know…being on The Pilver and all, that can really boost your career.
Finally ladies and gentelmen: tomorrow U2’s new CD will be on the shelves. They are on Letterman every night this week. I am excited. Very rarely do I get jazzed about new releases in music. When I do, I feel the need to sit in solitude and listen to them while analyzing their entirety. And before all you hipsters spout off about how you lost interest in U2 when Bono looked in the mirror and saw Jesus, remember, they made some outstanding music.
Lent
My computer(s) have been yucky for the past few weeks. Tonight, I fixed one of them, this excites me and I decided I needed to post…anything at all. So, here is my ramble on Lent.
I went the first twenty-one full years of my life before I knew what lent was. Growing up in an evangelical church, you just don’t participate in the same religious activities as those who are Catholic or Lutheran. I’d heard the terms, Fat Tuesday, Ash Wednesday and such. I literally had no idea what they meant.
When I moved to Seattle at 21, I began working at a coffee shop where a family of five Catholic girls also worked and hung out when they were not working. We became friends. Soon after the discussed whatvice to give up for forty days. What?! I’s never heard of such practices, but it fascinated me. So, I asked questions about Lent and the Catholic religion. Knowing nothing, they taught me much.
When I was a kid, we were taught not that Catholics were in the wrong, but that they develeoped a lot of religious hoopla that was unnecessary in the church. Now, I think about the Baptist school I went to and the hoopla they practiced that was completely non-biblical. ie wearing skirts past the knee, never going to movies etc.
So, I have decided to cross over and do something for Lent. I was thinking of giving up going to the coffee shop, as that would certainly save me some money. But, I will be on vacation in next forty days and though I don’t mind my own percolated brew from home, I don’t think I can stomach hotel coffee. I don’t think I drink enough alcohol to warrant giving that up. There’s no way I am sacrificing my computer or the internet because, you know, I NEED it for communications and I just cannot miss an email or a facebook Wall post, you know? (This is not working, Lent is about sacrifice…is it not?) Hmm…
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I wrote this yesterday. After much thought I decided that I am going to give up “lazy dinners”. By that I mean I am not going to serve The Max a hard boiled egg, a hunk of cheese and broccoli and call that supper time. For the next forty days (if we are indeed at home during the dinner hour) I am going to fix supper just as they suggest on Public Service Announcements. It still feels like a resolution, and oh well.
I think the hardest part of this will be keeping my cupboards and fridge stocked with enough ingredients to make a meal 7 days of the week. Of course, we have food in the house, but we are grazers and a big meal is not the norm. Eating all night long, however, is.
So, eat a “family meal” for 40 days. Should be fun. If you want to come over I will totally add another place setting to the table, just let me know.
1994/2009
For whatever reason, I understood while I was experiencing the ages 13-18 that those were going to be the funnest and most carefree times I would get. I understood that no boy I was going to have a crush on would be around in the long run. I did not make catty girl drama part of my existence. Honestly, I may actually like who I was then more than who I am now. I liked fun, and if fun was not going to be a part of what I was doing I would either attempt to make it so, or leave it as best I could. Why I have partially ceased having that attitude? I do not know. So, I was thinking about what is similar and different between then and now. There’s a lot. Let’s hastily compare them, shall we!
1994-I learned that if I tape recorded myself dialing phone numbers and replay them into the telephone I would not have to pay long distance charges.
2009-Being that I only use my cell phone, I never pay long distance charges.
1994-The computer meant nothing more to me than Oregon trail and Paintbrush.
2009-I can play Oregon trail on facebook…I live for MS Paint.
1994- Boys are confusing.
2009-Boys are confusing.
1994-I had a job, which I received based on who I knew that required no education.
2009-I have a job, which I received based on who I know that requires no education.
1994-I spend lunch gossiping with the an awesome group of girls.
2009-I serve lunch to middle aged women who gossip.
1994-I dream of moving out and having my own quaint apartment in a trendy part of town and leaving the suburbs.
2009- I dream of owning a house like my parents had in the suburbs and leaving behind this quaint apartment in a trendy part of town.
1994-I wasobsessed with Actung Baby.
2009- I’m anxiously awaiting U2’s next albums which Rolling Stone has dubbed their best since Actung Baby.
1994-I dyed my hair with Kool-Aid and feared what my mother would say.
2009-I dyed my hair with Mani Panic and was told by my mother I was too old for that.
1994- My brother in laws parents purchased a brand new Honda Accord.
2009- I am driving the 1994 Honda Accord passed from my brother in laws parents to him, to my sister to me.
1994-I spent hours playing Super Mario Bros. 3 on NES.
2009-I spend hours playing Super Mario Bros. 3 on Wii.
1994-I learned to play pickle ball in gym class.
2009-I often visit a national pickle ball website looking to see if any new courts have been built near my home.
1994-I’d do anything to get out of the babysitting jobs my mother lined up for me.
2009-I’d do anything to get out of a job to not hire a babysitter for my son Max.
I think there’s enough of the similarities that I should shoot for having that much fun again. Hopefully I can swing it.
Dear IRS,
I am not going to try and pretend to understand how you calculate my return. Every year, I go to a website, plop in my numbers and never lie about them. I tell you my income, my school costs, the dollar amount my day care charges, and how much I payed for medical insurance. After giving you all the required information, I press the button marked “calculate your return” and every year a number pops up larger than the year before. This year, you outdid yourself.
The amount is obscene and while I appreciate it tremendously, I cannot figure out why I am getting “back” more money than I make in three months of pouring coffee and carrying plates. I don’t know what kind of girl you think I am, but just because you are throwing all this money at me does not mean I am going to grant you any special favors.
I will accept it, but please direct deposit it into my bank account as it may be painful for you to see me in person. I imagine someday, you will take your money elsewhere and I will actually be required to earn all the money I see each year. My guess is that the feeling self worth will outweigh my current ecstatic emotions by miles. But please note: I am indeed ecstatic.
Your fair weather fan,
Kristiane
Turns Out He’s 2 Inches Tall
So, the frog fell away and revealed a tiny man wearing a crown with his hands in his pockets.
I’m unsure what I can do with him other than take him out for dinner and put him at the place setting next to mine, look deep into his teeny eyes and engage in meaningful conversation for a few hours while sipping on an eighty dollar bottle of wine.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all you lovers! And to the rest, Happy Saturday!
Posted in drunk, food, happiness, health
Tagged Dinner, Holidays, Prince, Valentines Day, Wine
7 Comments
Growing A Prince
When I think about my love life I think of…nothing. Translation: It might happen, someday and if not I won’t lose hairs. For the first few years after my divorce, my parents assured me that I was going to find a nice man, have a few more kids, and drive a mini-van into my suburban garage where I lived with my typical family. Today, I finally got the impression that my mother is giving up hope of more red-headed grand babies.
I may have mentioned before, but if not, my mother is a professional care package sender. I get a box, at least once a month with food items, toiletries, coupons out of the Sunday paper etc. My mother is also a believer in sending out gifts for every holiday. This includes the upcoming Valentine’s Day. I can count on one finger the times I have spent on an actual Valentine’s Day, spent with a boyfriend or husband in a Valentine’s Day manner…and I was 18. Yes, the special boy who gave me a teddy bear and a giant cookie with frosting spelling out his feelings that only lasted another week or so.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not a V-Day hater. Some people love it, and I don’t begrudge them their special relationship with the holiday. And if someday, I am with some one who wants to make it a special day for me and I for them, I will welcome it.
Back to the care package. I got some tea, Macaroni and cheese, soup, brownies, and a special product called “Magical Grow a Frog to Prince.” Whee! My mom actually thought of ME when she saw this sitting on the shelf. Thanks Mommy! All I must do is add water to the jar with a frog inside and out will pop my dashing prince. The box says the process takes 72 hours, so if I am going to get my royal man by Saturday, I better soak the frog today.
Here he is at zero hour:
Coraline
Depending on your definition of spoilers…this may have some.
A dozen or more times per year, a movie is released to the theater that is labeled, “THE MUST SEE FAMILY MOVIE OF THE YEAR” This month, it was Coraline. 2009 has just have started so I cannot properly judge the year, but I safely dub this film the best family movie of the past twelve months.
What you wanted from this movie, you received. The visual treats were better than I had anticipated. The story was deeper than your average Disney flick, but not so complex that my seven year old could not follow along. For a kid’s flick, it was certainly scary at parts. Not since Monster House had I wondered about the parents of the toddlers in the audience being kept up half the night because of nightmares. The movie was in 3D in the theater I went to. I did not feel it needed to be, but it did have a few justifying moments where things reached out to kill me.
I do wish that the marketing bigwigs who produced the commercials for this movie would take a hint from Pixar and create a commercial that did not spell out the plot so in detail. I knew what was going to happen, the whole time. Though it was unfolded in a unique way, next time, give me less in advance. Also, the ending was disappointing. The movie’s wrapped up, the villian is dead…BUT SHE”S NOT REALLY DEAD!!! Yawn. Let’s kill the witch the right way the first time already.
I feel the need to rate all family movies twice, once based on the genre, and once based on all films. Coraline receives an 8 for a children’s film, and 6 1/2 for a film in general. Please do this again or us parents are going to be stuck with more Tinkerbell sequels.
The Pilver 