The Pilver

Poetry…ugh.

Posted on January 9, 2008 by kristiane

Tomorrow is the start of my shiny new semester. I am excited. I took on more than a full load this time because I hate sleeping. One of my classes is Poetry. I think I bought four books for this class. I have a wonderful habit of writing in every book I buy, so you can bet that these texts will stay on my bookshelf for the rest of my life. When I pass maybe someone will crack the dusty binding open and see the poorly drawn daisies on most pages and nonsensical notes that I took.

But, I don’t like poetry. When I signed up for the class I immediately thought of this comic from Toothpaste For Dinner:

Why the heck does this lady hate poetry so much?

Well, first off, I don’t hate poetry. I really don’t. But I don’t want to write it. It’s kind of like the reason I am not a lesbian. I appreciate the beauty of women, but I have no desire to have one for myself. Just the same, I have no desire to have poetry in my life. But, the University says I gotta take this class if I want to get that document to hang above my desk.
How does one learn to like poetry? Is it like learning to love asparagus? My parents’ method was to have me sit at the dinner table for literally hours until I allowed the cold slithery mounds of mush to make their way down my throat. Later in life I found that I did like asparagus, just not the canned variety that my mother was so found of.

Sure, I can handle prose at times. But when I have to listen to fellow classmates read line after line of confusing amaturish jibber-jabber I really do cringe. And it is not something I am proud of. I will be in the group of jibber-jabberers (my spell check is LOVING these words) as well. I think that is what I am most hesitant about in this class. Reading aloud what I write. I can do that with non-fiction and even with some fiction, but man, I don’t want to read poetry.

And on that note, you know what else I somewhat dislike about the first day of classes? The meet and greet questions. Like, “Everybody go around the room and state your name and your favorite Popsicle flavor” There’s always those people in class that can turn their answer into a five minute long autobiography.

The reasons I have aversions to these things is not because they are without merit. I am sure that they break the ice in some form or another, but I get so scared of talking in front of people that I usually end up squawking as opposed to talking. They should make more classes online. I can certainly type up a storm without hesitation.

I hope they spend a great deal of time on haikus. I can write the heck outta those:

member that one time,

we went to the skating rink

and it looked so small?

Posted in Blogroll, happiness, Life, poetry | Tagged college, haikus, poetry, toothpaste for dinner | 12 Comments

Quack

Posted on January 8, 2008 by kristiane

I took my son to the doctors last week. Remember when I was whining about that?

Well. It went fine. He is x inches tall and weighs x pounds. I have no idea what the numbers are. They are on the sheet of paper that the nurse gave me when I left. But, he is perfectly healthy.

One thing that the doctor said during the 42 seconds that he was in the room for was this: “So, he’s a short guy huh? You worried about that?”

Ummmmm…

Uhh..

What?

Assuming the doctor was not blind and he could see me standing two feet in front of him (all five foot two and a half inches of me) that question seemed, well, stupid.

Is there medication one should take for shortness or something? Is there a support group we can join? Are you a real doctor?
I suppose the issue of height effects boys more than it does girls, but still. He could have at least said something so braindead to me alone and not in front of Max. So, instead I told him that the tallest person of his parents, grandparents and great grandparents is five foot nine and it’s just the burden we must carry.

Still, someday Max is going to pass me up in height. Then hopefully he will feel like a giant. 😉

Posted in family, happiness, health, Life | Tagged doctors, health, height, stupid | 3 Comments

Giving up Optimus Prime

Posted on January 7, 2008 by kristiane

When you have kids you start doing things you had never even thought of before. Most of these things include bodily fluids and sickness and other things I won’t detail here cause I would like it if you would keep reading. But there’s other things you do that you never had to before. Like share toys and food.

Sometimes there’s one slice of the banana bread left that Max and I baked together. And, I’ll want to eat it smothered in butter along with a steaming cup of coffee. I usually back off and let the boy make a crumby mess with it in front of Saturday Morning Cartoons instead. My boy has learned by example that sharing is the best way to feel good about what you have and what others have as well. He’ll often offer me that last M & M from the bag or the final cookie from the box.

The other day we were cruising CVS for absolutely nothing whatsoever and we paused at the Tooth Tunes display. If you are unaware of what these are let me explain: They are toothbrushes that play a song for two minutes while you are brushing your teeth. It seems as though when you brush the music coming from inside your head. Last summer when they first debuted me and Max jumped at the idea. He got one with a song I have never heard of but mine was a daily reminder from Beyonce and her posse that I am indeed a Survivor. As we were looking through the newest songs that dental health had to offer I noticed one I had to have and could not imagine life without.

omygosh…it’s a toothbrush! But…there was only one. What was I to do? I wanted it so badly but I was sure that Max needed in the worst way as well. What did I do? I snuck it up to the register and bought it for myself.

Can I please tell you how awful I feel? I haven’t even used it yet. I How could I? Sticking that brush into my mouth with Optimus Prime ordering, “Autobots Transform and Roll Out!” while the theme song was playing seems like the most awesome way to get rid of the broccoli between my teeth. However, I cannot bring myself to do it. I am going to give it to Max when we get home today. It’ll be a good day for him. And If I remember correctly they had KISS’ Rock and Roll All Night brush as well. I can go back and get that one. Then everybody wins.

Posted in Blogroll, family, funner, happiness, health, Life | Tagged CVS, kids, Optimus Prime, sharing, toothbrush, Transformers | 8 Comments

Top 7 quirky Things About My Apartment

Posted on January 6, 2008 by kristiane

Top 7 quirky Things About my Apartment

Last June I moved to a new apartment. Not just any apartment, my first apartment that I got by myself with out roommates and without a co-signer or a coughhusbandcough. It’s in a brick building with wooden floors and more charm than Martha Stewart would know how to handle. I had supernova stars in my eyes as I signed the lease. After moving in I found out why the rent was as cheap as it is:

7.There was at one time a rodent in it…moving on.

6.The parking stinks…

…stay with me. I cannot park on the north side of the street on Sunday nights. I cannot park on the south side of the street on Monday nights. I cannot park on the east end of the block for longer than a half hour. I cannot park on the west end for more than two hours. I can park in the middle of the block for as long as I wish if there is in fact a parking spot. When it snow more than 3 inches (and boy does it) I must find another spot to park my car from 9pm until 8 am during which I can park my car at the restaurants parking lot but only if I get permission, each time, and only if their lot has been plowed by 11pm. Whew!

5.I live on top of a (loud) pizza joint.

And this means that at pizza joint closing time (between 12 and 3am) The Pizza Boys TM turn up their stereo to ungodly levels. This would not be so bad if it were not for 2 things
#1 The building is prehistoric and I can hear literally everything that happens below me through my radiators
#2 The music of choice ranges from rap that I have never heard of to Boys II Men. Try sleeping during “End of the Road”. You cannot, you just end up grabbing the nearest object and using it as a microphone to sing into all the while banging your head against a wall.

4.I have no heat.
Sort of. I do have heat, but I have no idea how to turn it on. I can feel the heat from the pizza place when they turn it on. When they don’t I crank up the oven and open the oven door. Yup.

3.The ceiling leaks.

During last summers rain storms I woke up one morning totally soaked. Totally. First time since I was 4 I thought I’d peed my bed. And I did one time when I was 4 wet the bed at my grandma’s house. From that day until I was 14 years old and she passed away she made me sleep on a large garbage sack on the couch. I didn’t know how to tell her that I was potty trained. I didn’t even try.

2.The Rattling

Remember the pizza place I spoke of? Well they have to have hood fans. These hood fans make a noise similar to that of a train running underfoot, but probably not quite so loud. And the building shakes like there is a 5 point earthquake happening at all times. Well not at all times they don’t open until 11am. Those are good times.

1.I absolutely love it.

Even the noise and temperature challenges cannot take away from the joy of my first solo apartment. If I had a million dollars I would just buy the space below me and make it my downstairs cause this is the best home in the world. (and some day I am going to have it clean)

Posted in Blogroll, funner, happiness, health, home, Life | Tagged apartments, Charm, earthquakes, heat, home, Martha Stewart, pizza, rodents, St. Paul, trains | 6 Comments

Motivation

Posted on January 2, 2008 by kristiane

Last semester I went back to school. And for the most part I have been enjoying it a great deal. I took four classes, three of which were the type that had set schedules and outlines that were simple to follow and I did great in those classes. The fourth however was an independent studies class, which I still have not finished. The class ended on December 15th, the same week my grandfather passed away. I was able to get an extension in this class until the beginning of Spring semester. Fact is, I have done about 20% of the work for this class and I have not even started to look at the rest of it. I was just about to say phooey to the whole thing when i checked up on my financial aide status for Spring Semester. If I finish the class in time I can get spring semester fully paid for and on top of that I will get a check equal to the amount of the cost of living for myself for 3-4 months. So, now I have motivation to spend the next 8 days in solitude and try my darnedest to get a D- in the class so I can advance to the cha-ching semester. And the classes I am taking next semester are far greater than the ones I took last semester. Although they do include poetry, which is fine. I don’t want to bash poets. But the extent of my poetry skills can be summed up in late-night-drunken-haiku texts. You know who you are.

So, if I am to achieve this D- that I so greatly desire I have to put a stop to the daily things I love so much that take up all of my time. These include: blogging, myspace (doesn’t really take up my time, but I will skip it anyhow), facebook, x-entertainment, Target, television, house cleaning, diner eating, exercising, phone talking, nights out, nights in etc, etc, etc.

I will see you all next Thursday. Cross your fingers.

Posted in Blogroll, happiness, Insomnia, Life, school | Tagged college, financial aide, haiku, Insomnia, motivation, passing | 9 Comments

The Mall

Posted on January 1, 2008 by kristiane

Here in the land of 10,000 lakes we have many of another thing: Malls. Now, I have no idea nor am I going to research where we stand in malls per capita versus the rest of the country. But in the places I have lived and visited it seems that Minnesota has more than most.

We have the Mall of America, (the largest in the US)

There’s also Southdale, which was the first indoor shopping mall of all time.

I spent many weekends at the MOA in my youth with little cash in my pocket, just the knowledge that if I was in the Mall I was going to be having a spectacular time. And I did have a great time. A few years back The Mall of America decided that after 6pm no one under the age of 16 was allowed to be there without parental supervision. I mentioned this to my mother and she said, Well yeah, parents were just dropping their kids off for the day and they would just hang out.”

To which I replied, “Yeah, it was you mom. The mall made new rules because of us.” But I never got into trouble in any way. Me and my friends were never the shoplifting types. We just, I am sure, were kinda annoying to the patrons with full wallets.

Something about the smell of the mall gets to me in a good way. I can still wander around a mall for hours and try on clothes that I have no intention of buying and browse stores I have never spent a dime in and I am happier when I am done than when I walked inside. I don’t need to buy anything. I still just need to hang out.

I was at Sounthdale yesterday. After my quick trip to actually purchase something I headed for a coffee shop and stood in line behind an elderly man who was picking up a sandwich out of the refrigerated display case. He then took the sandwich and place it into his coat pocket and turned to get out of line and walk away. He saw me as he was leaving the line and we had the following conversation with our eyes:

Klepto: Whoops! I guess you saw me just steal a turkey and swiss on a croissant.

me: Yes. I did, that was weird, whattheheck?!

Klepto: I know you saw me steal, but I am going to take it anyhow

me: Whatever dude, you’re old.

Klepto: Ok then, get out of my way so I can go sit on the bench outside of Hot Topic and eat this while I look at the 15 year old girls with multiple piercings until my wife is done picking out matching hand towels at JC Penny’s

Me: (moving out of the way) Have at it…

As I stepped aside so the old man could make his grand getaway and finish out his misdemeanor I noticed a security guard passing by. He was really tall. No wait, he was not tall.

He was riding a Segway and had a helmet on and he was traveling at 1/2 mph. He had been passing by at the exact moment that the old man stole the sandwich. But he saw nothing because he was too busy trying to steer between all the chairs and tables.
Had he seen the man lifting the sandwich I am sure he would have done the same exact thing that I did.
The mall rules all.

Posted in Blogroll | Tagged Mall of America, Minnesota, segway, Southdale, theft | 4 Comments

Christmas 2007 in the house

Posted on December 22, 2007 by kristiane

So, it is here. Yes, the day is still 2 days away, but in reality Christmas has arrived. The family is in town and we are now in the mode of having family meals three times a day. I will give you my itererary for the next three days. I know you don’t care about it whatsoever but I am still hoping that some internet pals will crash our festivities cause that would make for some great photos.

Tomorrow I am going to go to work. I usually don’t work on the weekends, but being as my parents are in town they told me to try to pick up a shift and they will watch Max (my son).

I went out and bought light up Christmas socks and an elf hat to wear with the pajamas I am required to wear to work on the weekends. I got footie jammies for my birthday this year and I am going to break them in tomorrow. I had to cut off the feet though cause they did not fit into my new car slippers.

After work is going to be the three December girls infinity cake party at my step grandma’s house. She is the amazing women who married my grandpa who passed away two weeks ago. It is going to be so odd to go to his home with him gone, but I think it will be good too.

On Christmas Eve I have no idea what is going on.

On Christmas Day I have no idea what is going on.

There are 14 of us in town in my immediate and extended family this year. We always go to grandpa’s for Christmas. My parents are in town and they are in a fabulous hotel with an amazing pool area. They thumb tacked stockings to the wall of their room and set up a foot tall tree on their dresser. We all went over there tonight to hang out and visit. I clicked on XE’s jukebox to create the mood for our little party we had there tonight. We ate pizza and watched The Wizard of Oz on television. Then we all went and swam around for a bit and ended the night by gathering in the sauna.

This is exactly what my family looks like.

Let me talk about the sauna. I don’t understand those. If I went to my car in the middle of August and sat inside for awhile I think I would get the same effect. Seriously. Well there were about six of us in there. Not too long after we got inside we found out that we were in the men’s sauna. Cause whoever actually uses those for fun actually might do so naked. Nice. I think they smell somewhat like roasting marshmellows, so I enjoyed that part of it.

My point in this endless-going-nowhere-post is that this Christmas is very odd. There have been no traditions kept from previous years. (except that I will for sure be getting a stocking with mascara in it from my mother cause I have gotten mascara in a stocking from here since I was 13 years old).

I really like this though. I need to start some new traditions with my son that I can keep for the next 20 years until he betrays me and gets married to some girl that will not be good enough for him. Then he’ll starts his own traditions with her and her family.

Meanwhile I”ll be at home eating soup from a can and petting my long haired cat.

Can I come crash your families festivities at that point? I mean, if I reserve a spot now you have to say yes, right? Christmas 2027 is going to be the second best ever after this year.

I went to the gas station today to buy Max a sucker because he is much quieter when he has one of those stuck in his mouth. As we walked out the door he hollered to the cashier, “Merry Christmas!” I know the whole over talked about schpeal about people saying “Happy holidays” in stead of “Merry Christmas”, but in reality I have heard little of either this year. But now I want to say it to everybody cause it’s nice. You cannot be in a bad mood for the three seconds following those phrases. It’s the best freaken time of the year and we all know it. So, remember to say it to that guy who opened the door for you when you had seven CVS bags in your hands. It will create one of those warm fuzzy moments that make you slightly uncomfortable. Maybe that’s just me.

Merry Christmas to you all!

Posted in Blogroll, family, Fine Dining, Holidays, Life | Tagged , Christams, elf, family, pajamas, sauna | 5 Comments

This is me…venting.

Posted on December 20, 2007 by kristiane

By law I have to bring a piece of paper to the doctors along with my son so that they can OK him for regular daycare play. I think this is dumb. Why? Because by looking at him it is obvious that he is OK for regular six year old play. He will now have to have a full physical where they will listen to his heartbeat and look inside his ears and be weighed and measured. These are all things I can myself. But now I get the privilege of paying the doctors and nurses money that I don’t want to pay them so that they can tell me what I already know. I called them up to make the appointment and they said that to remain a customer at that clinic you must maintain regular yearly physicals. Why? I have no idea. I am lucky that I have a very healthy son and he has not ever been seriously ill. He has not had a physical in four years. Why would he? He’s been sick many times. But I rarely take him in for a cough or a short lived flu. Because people get sick. And when he gets sick he is quiet, which is rare. Why would I try to shorten my peaceful quiet time at home with antibiotics? And going to the doctors to have them tell you that your child is sick and needs fluids is retarded in my opinion. And expensive. The last time I did that I had to pay for very expensive chest x-rays so that I could be told my son had a cold. That’s the first and last time I ever did that. He also once caught pink eye from a little boy at his previous daycare and he went to the doctor and got some eye drops. The doctor told me to hang onto the eye drops in case he ever got it again he could just re-use them so long as they weren’t expired. I like this doctor. This I understand. I had to call seven clinics before I found one that was actually taking new patients. The eighth clinic can see him in 2 1/2 weeks. I think he would be able to be seen this afternoon if the clinics weren’t crowded with little kids who are just fine.

PS don’t call CPS on me 🙂

Posted in family, happiness, health, Life | Tagged doctor, kids, rediculous | Leave a comment

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Quack

This is me…venting.

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