It’s still about six months away, the large curvaceous number that promises gray hairs and love handles. I don’t know why I am not looking forward to it. It’s not exactly forty. I am going to take a stab and say it is because I have not done what I expected by this age. I have no degree. I own no home. I have a job any eighteen-year-old could handle. I was married…but whoops! I am now looking for a do-over to that one.
I think I feel as though I have not had enough fun in my twenties. I started the decade married and confined. I was divorced and lost by the middle and now at the end I am finally easing my way back into whee! mode.
So I think there should be a list that I need to accomplish before the day comes. A list that will re-define me (at least in theory) as young and adventurous.
1. Start wearing banana clips again.
The 80s are supposed to be back in full swing, and I think these should be too.
2. Drink one time until I get sick.
I never do. I am very cautious in this area. I bet I would be a great table-dancing-stupid-drink-girl.
3. Pierce my belly-button.
I did this one. When I was 15. I think the fad is passed now, but after a few years that area of my body is probably never going to see the light again, so I should do it now.
4. Dominate a night of karaoke.
I used to do this from time to time, not the dominate part, but the sing part. It’s been too long. I am going to dedicate songs to perfect strangers.
5. Protest something
I always see the picket people boycotting something. I want to join them, with temporarily green dyed hair.
6. Watch Back to the Future Trilogy back to back…
…while eating nothing but Cool Ranch Doritoes and Cherry Coke.
7. Apply for jobs I know I am under qualified for, but that I want regardless.
Like a writer for Letterman. He would love me.
Ok, I have a lot to do. I better get started.
The End.
The Pilver 
you have no degree, but you are working on it. and you have no home, but you have good credit! it will all come together because i say so.
you better wear the banana clip, drink till you vomit and sing karaoke all on the same night. it works best that way.
30’s no big deal believe me! I think we stress over it because when we’re young it seems so far away and you always hear people say 30 is “over the hill”. At least you have a fun goal list to hold you over though, and I may “borrow” the BTTF trilogy idea from you. š
I agree with Amy utterly. Banana Clip Vomit Karaoke FTW!!!
The flicker photostream from that event would become legendary in their own right.
And 30 is cake. I didn’t lose my house or my marriage until (days) AFTER I hit the big 30…so you’re like all “head of the game” and stuff. You’re certainly on the right path already, and that sure counts for a lot in the game of life.
Of course, if this is the game of life, we all have crappy little white cars and our spouses/children will be blue and pink pegs with heads…creepy…
I have no degree. I own no home. I have a job any eighteen-year-old could handle.
You are living my dream life, for reals.
I don’t know why you’re worried about being 30 when today’s 40 year old is in better shape than today’s 20 year old. Seriously those 40 year olds on the TV these days scare me to death, with their rock music and 6-pack abs.
1. I think the 80s was back in full swing about 2 or 3 years ago. I think we’re finally starting the 2000s.
2-4. You can take care of these in one very carefully or entirely not planned night.
5. Protest birds. Birds suck.
6. I don’t know if I’ve ever not been doing this.
7. If not write for, you could be his new Paul Shaffer.
I LOVE the last one! Whouldn’t that be SWEET if you got it? You never know if you don’t take a chance, right?
I must say though (as someone living out the last year of her 20s as well), there are a TON of things that I thought I ‘should’ have accomplished by now, but I am so glad that I haven’t. Like, SO many…
doho- I was walking to the parking garage after work and I saw a pigeon do his bizness, standing right there in front of me. I just might protest the things.
Essay- maybe I will. I actually applied for an internship at one point. My application consisted of an email telling them I was funny and they should go watch a video I made years ago online. Their response, “You did not follow any of the rules for the application, Please try again next term!” But is was signed in ink and the address on the reject letter was handwritten. I totally saved that.
Oh wow, I need a scan of that. I have a collection of coupons from food companies that I’ve sent complaints to myself.
It is just beginning at thirty…
It ain’t no big thang. I kept expecting it to be some big downer but it wasn’t. Maybe when you start going bald at 25, there’s not much of a drop-off at 30. (It probably helped that I got my motorcycle that month.)
Truthfully, though, in most ways I don’t feel much worse now at 34 than I did at 28. I get tired a little more easily, but I think that’s just because I’m in worse shape and that can be repaired. I think that’s more than balanced by the fact that I’m finally starting to figure myself out. Wisdom for stamina, I guess.
New reader and commenter, in case it wasn’t obvious – this post was on the WordPress front page when I logged in, and it intrigued me. I’m glad I checked it out, I’ve poked around the blog a bit more and I really enjoy your style!
30! Live it up now, because when you are thirty….you feel like you’re are 29.
But people treat you different when you say it out loud.
Taoist Biker- Welcome and thanks so much!
doho- you mean a scan of the letter? I actually planned on blogging about it one time, but I think it’s lost in the millions of drafts I have never finished :$
Jay-Z hit 30 not so long ago. When he did, he confidently declared in a song that “30’s the new 20 nigga I’m so hot still.”
So yeah, 30’s the new 20, haven’t you heard?
I remember seeing a book at a Borders titled something like “Life doesn’t start until 40.” Going by that, you still have a decade to go and I’m still an embryo.
I’m almost positive I brought up that book before. Either here or at Essaytch’s blog.