In nine days I will be off work for SEVENTEEN DAYS…I did not plan to be gone so long, but my cousin decided to get married the day I was meant to be home from vacation and since I had already requested the daycare time off I was forced to take a longer break than I anticipated. Not complaining here, just saying.
Well, I can feel my mind and body are so ready for vacation. I could sit and talk about it and nothing else for the next nine days and bore your scalp off. I think I will instead vent about the job that I am abandoning for the interior of my humble automobile.
First off, we are very near to the Minneapolis Convention Center. This means that there are conventions held with people from all over the country attending. I get lots of people from all over. I am going to be stereotypical and generalize the groups of people that come to visit my work. let me begin by saying that 90% of customers are a joy. I am not being sarcastic, they are. And the 10% that are less than spectacular don’t ruffle me too much. They give me something to write about.
They will ask for sweet tea, fully knowing that we do not have sweet tea in Minnesota. Then they will say “Aaaooh…That’s riaght. Ya’ll are above the Mayson Dixay Line.” So, then I bring them our boring brewed and unsweetened tea and request their meal order. The response, “Do ya’ll have collard greens or grits?” to which I respond, “I’m so sorry, we are only serving menu items today.”
*Southerners are the worst tippers. I am over the fact that not every customer tips great, and I am more forgiving to Southerners. I honestly think that 10% must be the standard down there.
They ask for chai. Now, I understand that actually reading the menu can take time. But everything we serve IS on the menu. Chai is not on the menu. Also not on the menu: soy milk, which they request for their coffee after I tell them we do not have chai.
The Hung Over Frat boys-
They smell. Do not try to hit on your server when you reek of whatever fun you had last night, instead, take a shower. The HOFB will drink all the water you can bring them. They will order huge meals and eat barely anything. And if they do not have females with them, they tip horribly. The same “types” tip great, when they have not blown all their money the previous night at Club de Flamingo or where ever they must have gone home from female-less.
The Out of Town Business Man/Woman.
They travel alone. They miss their wives and kids and they will talk to you as much as you are willing to talk to them. I actually love these customers. Because, it is nice to know that they have souls and they understand that you have one as well. Also, because our menu is unique, they will ask your opinion on what to order, and then take it. These people could tip nothing and I would be fine with it, but they always tip great.
Always ask for espresso post meal. For breakfast, they like baguette and cheese and fruit. They also like sparkling water. And of course wine, lots of it. They have great shoes. They tip horrible or not at all. But I get to look at their shoes, so it evens out.
Target Corp. Employees-
Target’s main headquarters is a block away from my job. The place is full of yuppies, and they love our restaurant. They are a good 7 1/2 on politeness and tipping. And they work at Target. I love that place. Just today I had a table “doing lunch” to decide on a campaign for next winter. I got the lowdown on holiday crap before anyone. I should PAY to work here.
The Fraidy Cats-
These are the people that are totally turned off at trying a Bison Burger, Huevos Rancheros or Sweet Potato Fries. It’s not something i assume, people will say things like, “Can you really eat bison?!” They order the grilled cheese with French fries. Then they climb into their Ford Taurus’ and go back to their townhouses with furniture from JC Penny’s to watch the local newscast and prepare Hamburger Helper for their kids.