I am three feet from the finish line in my first year of College-o-Rama. Instead of doing a final edit of my final paper that is my final project for the semester I am going to play reporter.

The Daily Pilver
April 28th, 2008

Front Page

MOUSE INFESTATION HAS TAKEN OVER PILVER HEADQUARTERS

Friday ended with a devastating realization that a thumb sized rodent had taken shelter from the cold and parked it’s hairy butt under the desk of resident reporter, Kristiane. Though careful attention has been made to wear hard toed shoes at all times, tensions are still high. Strategically placed poison has been nibbled by the enemy. As of yet, it has not been determined if the rodent will die, or if he/she is a super mouse (cont. on A-15)

Sports

ROOKIE RUGBY PLAYER SCARRED FOR LIFE IN HIS FIRST GAME

Fourteen-year-old Broderick King, of Edina (Cake Eater), Minnesota started his first rugby game on Friday but never made it to the final whistle blow. Shortly after the match began, he bumped heads with a fellow team mate, slashing the skin near his eye in the process. Like any good boy, he picture mailed photos to his concerned cousin from the ER where he received eleven stitches and bragging rights for at least the next three days. Not to worry amateur sports fans, Broderick will be in the game again this week.

Weather
WHY THE HECK IS IT STILL SNOWING?-an investigative report

This Thursday it will be May, which is the day you are all supposed to bring flowering gifts and play ding-dong-ditch with said gifts. But in Minnesota, there will be no flowers. Temperatures have been in the low 30’s in the St. Paul area with flurries as recent as TODAY. Likely outcomes of this extreme weather will include skipping over summer and heading straight into fall come mid July.

CLASSIFIEDS

For SALE: 1994 Honda Accord, 211,xxx miles, AT, 4 dr, white, CD player, Finicky A/C, extensive hail damage from that storm in Anoka two summers ago with the freaky-grapefruit-sized hail. Windows have been replaced. RUNS GREAT! Asking Price-$79,000 OBO (just enough to get me through school and buy a new Element)