I don’t often sit down to watch award shows. Usually I don’t know enough about the shows, songs, or movies represented to care much. However now that I mother a two-year-old girl who literally begs me to turn on music because, “I WANNA DANCE MOMMA!” I often find myself with top 40 music blaring from the TV and a pants less toddler using my living room as a disco. Knowing I was familiar with most of the music being celebrated Sunday night I settled on the couch waiting for the fun.
I’m certainly not blinded into believing most acts on the show are much more than the flavor of the day and may be forgotten by next year. But I’m also not bitter because some indie acts didn’t rise above the fluff and capture all the moments to be had. Pop music is just that, popular. The industry is of course often manufactured and blah blah blah. Let’s just talk about what happened, what was funny, weird, awful, and awkward shall we?

Beyoncé and Jay-Z

These two are the current king and queen of pop music.  So they sit in the front row, and have perfect veiw and Beyonce’ wears perfect dresses on her perfect body and they’re raising their perfect child in what I assume is a perfect mansion.  While I am sure they do have personal trials I don’t know about them.  Get a zit, or something, Beyonce’ so I know you are not a robot.

Oh, and they performed a song together.  It was fine.  The strip dance routine many female artists do bores me some, in part because I’m a straight female as well as the lack of imagination involved in choreographing most of them.  But she does have a great voice, which not all Grammy performers can say about themselves.

Ringo Starr

Are we supposed to give this guy a pass because he was in the Beatles?   ‘Cause he can’t sing.  It was karaoke at a bowling alley bad.

Kasey Musgraves

I never knew this girls name or what she looked like, but I have heard her songs before.  I think she is probably more talented than her performance showed on this night.  But that outfit.  Loved it.  Some people go glam and gorgeous for award shows and some go in costume.  She chose to dress like a lampshade from a 1970’s roadside motel.  Her boots even had twinkle lights.  I’m not a country fan, but I like her songs enough that I’d keep the country station on long enough to let them finish.  Nice to meet you , Kasey.

Katy Perry

Katy Perry, she’s OK.  But if you are going to preform a song and you are kinda boring, you should do it like she did.  The costumes and the set and the dancing was all really well done, I thought.  Skip to about 1:45 and watch a nutso flexable dancer get all twisted like a street performer’s balloon.

Taylor Swift

She sang a song.  She looked beautiful and sang well.  It was as exciting as vanilla ice cream…until she started backwards headbanging.  I guess she knew it was forgettable which is why she added her moves.  Above is Conan O’Brien’s take on what happened.

Stevie Wonder was there!!

I can only handle electronic music in small doses.  But your chances are greater that I will listen to your song if you add Mr. Wonder.

Other performers were Chicago (I love them) with Robin Thicke (gross), Macklemore and Ryan Lewis and others sang what I feel is a terrible song with a wonderful message.  I really hate that song, I wish it were a poem or had a different tune.  People got married  during that song and the Modonna came out and sang poorly while falling over.  Did she get injured?  I’m being serious, she looked hurt.  Also, Metallica did “One” which made us all feel old and embarrassed for Lars’ lack of talent and ability to find a barber.

I’ll end with what I felt was the most disappointing albeit superficial item of the evening.  Lorde.  I like her.  She’s seventeen freaking years old and she’s amazing.  On top of her talent she’s cute.  But giirrrl!  Your dress was awful.

This was a good time.  Thanks for recapping music’s biggest night with me.  Please understand I will likely not be covering The Oscars as I think the only film I saw in theaters this year  was Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2.