Whoever decided this was a good study to have reach the public is a retard. And I don’t feel guilty for using the word retard in this case.
re-tard
verb (used with object)
1.
to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.
Somehow I, and all my friends in elementary school, made it through life safely while eating bagged lunches. I went to a small school where we had no cafeteria food options and everyone brought lunch. And these days I make Mr. Pilver’s and The Max’s lunch every day and I am certain the meat and cheese sandwiches enter the danger zone, yet food poisoning has mysteriously evaded them both. This article is, by definition, retarded.
The Pilver 
Just further proof of my theory that our generation was the last “strong” generation. The generations after us have become a bunch of over-sensitive crybabies afraid of every little thing in life. Nice to see you’re not giving in and aren’t creating a family of wimps.