Don’t Shoot the Messenger

I realized a depressing thought as I settled down to type this post. When I share tales of my job, they are mostly of customers that could be described as out of line or flat out rude. So, I thought about my day at work. It was a snail’s paced day as those in January usually are. I only served around 40 people during the four hours I was taking tables. I want to let you all know that 39 of those customers were a joy. One in particular who in a turrets-like style said please-and-thank-you:

“Can I Have a bison burger… please-and-thank-you, cooked medium… please-and-thank-you, with cheddar cheese… please-and-thank-you, and a side of fries… please-and-thank-you.” It was the most amazingly voiced order I had ever taken, and he proved himself to be fun besides the politeness.

Let’s visit that 40th person. She happened to be the last person who sat today, in a group of ten ladies, who were all 40-50 years old. She was late meeting her guests and she wanted wine…stat. Keep in mind, this is noon.

We have a rule at our restaurant that I do not love. We HAVE to card everyone who orders alcohol. I have turned down very very old people because they did not have their IDs on them. I don’t like this rule because as a server, I want your bill to be as high as humanly possible. If I have to deny people drinks, that is taking away from my paycheck. I comply because breaking this rule, in theory, could cost me my job. And this is what I tell people, “I’d love to get you a _____ but if I do, I might lost my job.” Most people are fine with it. No biggie, rules are rules. This lady must have really needed her wine.

Ms. Wineless asked me to talk to my manager about it. So I did. He said, “NO!” I told her this. The rest of the meal for her was a complete let down. Her food was fine, she was served with the best service she could get. But the only topic on her brain was her lack of proper ID.

Then comes the time to pay the bill. This allows me to bring up another rule of our restaurant: Automatic Gratuity aka auto grat. We are allowed to auto grat a 20% tip to any tables with reservations of over eight people. Now, I don’t normally do this, mostly because people will often tip over 20% in those situations. But there are cases where you just have a gut feeling that you ought to, and this was one.

So, Ms. Wineless got the credit card receipt and saw that the tip had been included. She was not pleased. Under the total is the included tip and under that is a space to add an additional tip. Some people add, some don’t. It’s a crapshoot. And then there’s a third option for those really peeved:


Tee Hee. I love my job!

About kristiane

killing spiders with my laser eyes.
This entry was posted in Blogroll, drunk, entertainment, Fine Dining, food, Hell's Kitchen, how to, job, Life and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Don’t Shoot the Messenger

  1. Otto Mann says:

    wow, that lady was a real . . .



  2. mklasing says:

    In my first restaurant gig there was a lady who used to come in about once a week and order Liver and Onions-rare. Yes, rotted blood cooked rare. Then to top it off she typically left a tip of about 1% no matter what. The wait staff actually had a chart made up so that when she came she would be rotated to the next waiter who hadn’t had her recently. One day when she came up for my station I accidentally poured an entire glass of iced tea onto her white summer dress (size 18 I think). She was so mad she declared she would never be back–and she never did come back. My 6 fellow waiters/waitresses took me out that night and bought all my drinks and we sang “ding dong the witch is dead.” Good times.

  3. I feel bad whenever I tip, because I always think it’s never enough. Nevermind the fact that my phone has an Automatic Tip Calculator with a default of 15%.

  4. Guise says:

    I think the wrinkle rule should apply. If the wrinkles on a persons face outnumber the age for drinking, it counts as ID. Crows feet acts as a multiplier, squeaky voice decibals a divisable factor, and length and colour of beard also impacts (especially if thick, bushy, white and on a lady requesting gin).

    I would really like there to be a bit on credit card reciepts here where you can fill in a tip, because it tends to be that if you pay by card and don’t happen to have change in your pocket, the serving staff get stiffed regardless of how great they have been. Most places wont actually have a method for ringing up a grat and look surprised if you mention it. Obviously those who are of a tipping nature will always make sure to have a couple of quid or be willing to break a note with a drink to gain some.

  5. stephanie says:

    please,please,please watch the movie “waiting”. ryan rynolds is one of the main characters and he is great! aside from all the male frontal puppetry, there is a great lesson on how to handle a customer such as the one you described. it is disgusting and hilarious and reminds me to always tip 20% for fear of what i may be eating.

    you’ll love it!

  6. David says:

    Who are these people wandering the streets with no id? Her stupidity cost her the pleasure of the wine she wanted.

    What if they are bonked in the head and unconscious on the street? I just don’t get it.

  7. Amy says:

    Shoulda scanned her signature too so we would all know who the crazy bitch is. We could stalk her online and make her life miserable. That’s just my drunkness talking…

    I would find her and kick her for you.

  8. Billy says:

    I never say this but this is an exception. What a useless piece of walking skin. People like that take oxygen away from people who could do more with it. I’m sending her bad karma through pissed off thoughts right now.

  9. Sarah says:

    One of my favorite jobs was delivering pizza. One time I had to deliver $300 worth is food to a church slumber party. It was so much food, I had to make two trips. They tipped me $2! But at least they tipped. Once this guy was standing on his porch waiting and when I got out of my car he said,”. I’m going to call your boss because you took omer thirty minutes.” I said ok because we didn’t have a thirty minute rule. My boss was like, “it has the order time right on the box.” it had only been 23 minutes.

    The best tippers: people who work for tips

    The worst tippers: middle-aged women

    Sorry it is true. When I become middle-ages, I will still tip well.

  10. Sarah says:

    Once again the typos are from the iPhone. Not me:)

  11. Amy says:

    I am so mad about this again! And without a drop to drink I can firmly state that I want to go find her and kick her in her ladyness.

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