Every day women and men (but let’s face it, mostly women) are bombarded with ads and television shows and articles on how they are over weight and how to lose said weight. Somehow, have never had the issue of weight. Sure, I fluctuated. I compared myself to rail thin friends all through high school. I struggled for a year after having a child with those last nasty fifteen pounds. I just have never been overweight. I owe this in part to genetics. I have a father who could eat aisles seven and eight in the supermarket…on a daily basis and not gain an ounce. My sister has never passed the 110lb mark. Us Bell’s, we’re puny.
But, about a year ago I began dropping pounds, gradually, with zero explanation. I knew my jeans were a bit looser. I had to go and buy new ones. I don’t own a scale, so when I went to the doctor for a pulled stomach muscle I earned at work a few months ago I was shocked at the number on the display. “What?” I weigh what?” I am not going to give you the number, but it is a place I have not been since I was 13. I went back a week later to findout I was a pound less, and back again today to see I lost another three pounds.
After the superfun wiegh in I was asked 1284 questions. Things like. “Do you sweat a lot?” “Do you have headaches?” and “Do you feel constipated often?” After the interrogation they took blood. I love that part. I asked the nurse to hold my hand while the other nurse was shoving a needle into my vein. The needle bearing nurse assured me through her gold capped teeth, “You don’t need to hold nobodies hand when I take blood. I’m gentle.”
“Yes ma’am,” I thought as I leaned back to be tested for such awe inspiring things as anemia, diabetes, and a hyper-active thyroid. I was ordered to keep a food journal. This should be fun. I imagine it will play out as this:
7:00am two slices of free toast from work, smothered in peanut butter
8:45am one scrambled egg and sausage patty that was ordered on accident to table 64
10:30am oatmeal with maple syrup I stole while my manager was on a smoke break
12:30am half eaten sandwich alongside stolen soup
1:45pm Large coke smuggled in my coffee mug for the drive home
Yes. I am a scavenger.
I am considering adding personal journal entries in between the food entries.
5:45pm. 3 Slices of cheese pizza eaten while attempting to finish the spanish homework I have been blowing off for the past two weeks. It’s so tough to get into homework during the holidays. I love snow.
I am not worried about it considering I have zero of the symptoms they quizzed me for. I am, however, thinking about joining the gym across the street from my apartment that will open in a few weeks. If I show up to my follow up appointment very tough and intimidating looking, maybe I can quit the journal.
Or maybe I can try this:
Nice turkey at the top!
Hope everything is ok! (and I SO wish I had your problem) 😉
indeed. I’ve gained about an extra ten lbs every year since I left college. I’m not comforable where it deposits itself either.
I hate being told I have a “black girl booty”.
I didnt even notice the turkey…duh.
I would like your problem temporarily. Although broken ankles help you lose weight. Too bad it all comes from the muscle in your leg.
essay- yes, everything IS ok. I would be worried if i was sick as well.
Amy- How does one break 2 ankles?
*phew*!! BTW, I find it ironic that we both wrote similar blog posts within 24 hours of one another. Are you reading my mind?!
But now it’s the Holiday season! Turkey and pie and snickers in the shape of Christmas trees and stuffing and mash potatoes and green bean casserole and cranberry stuff in a can and cookies and…..
cuz i’m the queen of the klutzes and i know what’s up.
the trick is to walk down some stairs, stop for a chat on the last one, and forget that you never made it to ground level. then you step off into thin air, fall just a couple inches onto a solid, 19th century hardwood floor, and ta daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Ha! “Cranberry stuff in a can”… love it–that could be OceanSpray’s new holiday slogan:
“Nothing says ‘The Holidays’ like cranberry stuff in a can!”
Billy, you should have been in marketing…
A few years ago I mysteriously lost about 20 pounds and looked skeletal as someone who is 6’2″ and weighed 175. My doc blamed it on stress. I got a divorce, changed jobs and regained the weight over the past two and a half years. I liked the thinner waist, but I feel soooo much better now. Hope you’re well.
being fat is GAY
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