Every day women and men (but let’s face it, mostly women) are bombarded with ads and television shows and articles on how they are over weight and how to lose said weight. Somehow, have never had the issue of weight. Sure, I fluctuated. I compared myself to rail thin friends all through high school. I struggled for a year after having a child with those last nasty fifteen pounds. I just have never been overweight. I owe this in part to genetics. I have a father who could eat aisles seven and eight in the supermarket…on a daily basis and not gain an ounce. My sister has never passed the 110lb mark. Us Bell’s, we’re puny.

But, about a year ago I began dropping pounds, gradually, with zero explanation. I knew my jeans were a bit looser. I had to go and buy new ones. I don’t own a scale, so when I went to the doctor for a pulled stomach muscle I earned at work a few months ago I was shocked at the number on the display. “What?” I weigh what?” I am not going to give you the number, but it is a place I have not been since I was 13. I went back a week later to findout I was a pound less, and back again today to see I lost another three pounds.

After the superfun wiegh in I was asked 1284 questions. Things like. “Do you sweat a lot?” “Do you have headaches?” and “Do you feel constipated often?” After the interrogation they took blood. I love that part. I asked the nurse to hold my hand while the other nurse was shoving a needle into my vein. The needle bearing nurse assured me through her gold capped teeth, “You don’t need to hold nobodies hand when I take blood. I’m gentle.”

“Yes ma’am,” I thought as I leaned back to be tested for such awe inspiring things as anemia, diabetes, and a hyper-active thyroid. I was ordered to keep a food journal. This should be fun. I imagine it will play out as this:

7:00am two slices of free toast from work, smothered in peanut butter

8:45am one scrambled egg and sausage patty that was ordered on accident to table 64

10:30am oatmeal with maple syrup I stole while my manager was on a smoke break

12:30am half eaten sandwich alongside stolen soup

1:45pm Large coke smuggled in my coffee mug for the drive home

Yes. I am a scavenger.

I am considering adding personal journal entries in between the food entries.

5:45pm. 3 Slices of cheese pizza eaten while attempting to finish the spanish homework I have been blowing off for the past two weeks. It’s so tough to get into homework during the holidays. I love snow.

I am not worried about it considering I have zero of the symptoms they quizzed me for. I am, however, thinking about joining the gym across the street from my apartment that will open in a few weeks. If I show up to my follow up appointment very tough and intimidating looking, maybe I can quit the journal.

Or maybe I can try this: