That’s right, I am cleaning out my closet. Why? It looks like this:
It’s a sad display of what will happen when you haven’t grown since 1993. I researched “Tips for cleaning out your closet” online. I just need some help. One thing that all the closet experts say is that you should toss anything you haven’t worn in the past year.
YEAR?! Ha! I found a huge pile of stuff I haven’t worn in over ten years. Things I cannot bear to throw away. Things that I will one day give to the daughter I have not yet bothered to create. Things like this:
My letterman’s jacket and cheer leading uniforms. Go ahead, chuckle. My dirty secret is that I was a cheerleader. Apparently a good one, I was captain of the wrestling, soccer, and football squads. And I have those patches to prove it. The worst thing about my letterman’s jacket is this: It cost $375, and this was way back when, easily the most I ever paid for an article of clothing to this day. I wore it for two years. Now I cannot do a thing with it. It still fits. However, anyone who wears their jacket one day past graduation is basically the worlds largest loser of all time. Why? Why is that the rule? At least there should be one day a year called “National Letterman’s Jacket Day.” Would you participate in it with me? Please? I suggest December 8th, it’ll be cold. I’m doing it.
When I was in younger I had a friend who loved dolphins. She wore dolphin earrings and necklaces and wanted to be a marine biologist and swim with the suckers. I decided I should have a favorite animal as well, and I chose cows. Most of the accessories I could find that were bovine related were socks, and more socks, and basically just socks. Until my mom found a pattern for a cow sweater that she wanted to make for me that included real bells that rung hanging from the cows’ necks. I actually wore the thing, a lot. I was not 7, I was 14 years old. A couple years later I gave up the cow thing, but my dolphin friend went on to receive a degree in marine biology and spent a few years swimming with those aquatic mammals at Sea World. I on the other hand have smelled a few cows, that’s about it.
In the 80’s and 90’s Airwalks were the shoes to wear if you wanted to show the world that you rode a skateboard. I did not. I just wanted people to think I did. I have no fewer than six pairs. These were my favorite. Iridescent gold lace-up and girly Airwalks that I blew an entire 67 dollars on in 1995. Now, they have lost their luster and are peeling in spots. Airwalks can now be found at your local Payless for a whopping 17.99. *sigh*
There’s a store in this area called Rag Stock. It’s thrift store of sorts, and it smells like one too. They have a rack of Japanese baseball jerseys. One day in 1994 my friends and I were browsing for flannels and we came across a dozen or more of these identical shirts. Then we wore them the next day to school. I wonder what Yoshida means?
I am going to go look for Airwalks on ebay now.
My closet still looks the same 😕