In the 1980’s, Dominoes Pizza decided to create an enemy of a favorite lazy dinner. For reasons I have nightmares about, the chose to go with The Noid. We all remember the commercials, I mean, if you are over the age of 25 you do. I was thinking about ordering Dominoes today. In my decision making process, I thought about The Noid. Why did he want to ruin pizzas? What was his motive? Does the commercial ever go on to explain his displeasure of pizzas? I will ponder these things tonight as I lay in bed.
Here’s a funny story I found on The Noid’s Wiki page:
In 1989, Kenneth Lamar Noid, a mentally ill customer who thought the ads were a personal attack on him, held two employees of an Atlanta, Georgia Domino’s restaurant hostage for over five hours. After forcing them to make him a pizza and making demands for $100,000, getaway transportation, and a copy of The Widow’s Son, Noid surrendered to the police. Noid was charged with kidnapping, aggravated assault, extortion, and possession of a firearm during a crime. He was found not guilty by reason of insanity.
Noid, I promise I won’t hate you, if you tell me your reason for loathing pizza. There has to be a great story behind it.
I think it all started in World War II. Arthur Noid, one of many brothers who enlisted in the army, got placed in a special ops air intrusion force dedicated to the liberation of Italy. At this stage he was simply A. Noid, and was one of many. Things started to go wrong on the missions though, and one by one his brothers were either captured and executed or found themselves victims of rather tragic ‘accidents’. Foul play was suspected. One team remained to continue the mission. Then the day for the big push came and, Para Noid, he was the first from the ‘plane. His parachute drifted off course, but this actually saved his life, as his comrades who stayed on course suddenly found them selves under a hail of bullets. They fell like dominos and splattered flat on a bakers roof below. This is how he went from being simply A Noid to Para Noid to finally being the last, the only, The Noid.
Para Noid. That’s good. I don’t know what’s worse though–the fact that Guise even made that joke or the fact that I thought it was so funny.
I think after all that, Domino’s should have just hired Kenneth Lamar Noid. He’s obviously got a passion for the product, and he knows how to get things done.
I honestly always hated these commercials when I was a kid. I don’t know why Noid’s gotta be such a d-bag and try to ruin everyone’s dinner. Maybe he’s more of a Papa Johns man. It’s more likely though, that based on those crazy eyes of his, that he’s obviously hopped up on goofballs and on some bender. I mean, look at him! He’s all jacked up on something.